Ag Speak 101: Open wide and say 'synergy'
By Tracy Sayler

As I write this in late winter we are at the peak of the farm meeting season, and since this is an election year, meaning that flannel-and-jeans clad political office seekers will be popping up on soapboxes and hay bales everywhere, it's a good time to review public speaking skills, particularly with farm audiences in mind.

To that end, we call on advice from world-famous motivational speaker Jig Jigler, best-selling author of The Seven Habits of Highly Erotic People; Sweat The Small Stuff, Cause That's What Will Nickel And Dime You; and Swim With the Toddlers Without Getting Pee'n Your Eyes.

There is a certain formula to follow if you are to become a successful ag speaker. First of all, you must start out with a joke.

There's the one about the farmer who finds the genie lamp, so the farmer gets three wishes, and his second wish is $6 wheat, and his third wish is $6 wheat, because he didn't sell on the second wish. Most have heard this one before, and it's usually good for sympathy chuckles. Except when the market is in the tank, like now.

So to make sure you don't start off on the wrong foot with your ag audience, maybe stay clear of any price jokes and stick with the old standby, which is anything that has to do with Ole and Lena.

Come armed with an overhead projector, as it will make you an authority on any subject. Statistics in overhead graphs and charts must be true because, well, they're presented in an overhead.

If you point out that our agricultural trade with Spain over the past 20 years has consisted of nothing but live gerbils, Nilla Wafers and turkey giblets, who's to argue? You've got the overhead. Plus, if you have a negative message to deliver, nothing can zap dissent better than a dizzying barrage of 5,000 overheads, especially after lunch.

You must also learn to use many farm policy acronyms. Unfortunately, there are many of them to learn, so here's a quick review:

Within the USDA, ASCS is now the FSA, which also handles the former FmHA. The FCIC is still the FCIC, but also the RMA. Many FSA offices are RIP because the CBO and the OMB calculated on CPUs that the U.S. had too many IOUs. That's also why the ARPs and the flex of the 1990 FACT have become AMTA in the 1996 FAIR. FAS oversees EEP, PL-480 and MAP (formerly MPP, which formerly was TEA). The former SCS, now NRCS, oversees HEL and gives the ABCs of CRP and H2O issues. Mike E was CEO of USDA, but is now MIA because of conduct not PC (VIP of the NFL). Now there's Dan G, who could be Bill C's MVP if he helps get political RBIs for fast-track (ie GATT, now WTO, and NAFTA).

Speaking of fast-track (which refers to a type of Congressional voting, not what happens when a Nacho frenzy leaves you gut-bombed), you must also learn the following buzzwords and clutch phrases if you are to become a successful agricultural speaker: decoupling, safety net, family farming, market transition, biotechnology, level playing field, fair trade, risk management, El Ni-o and synergy. Use the word "synergy" often, and in any sentence ("The current market fundamentals lack synergy." "

There is much synergy in U.S. agriculture today.") because it sounds good. Plus, no one really knows what it means. There. You've got the jokes, the overheads, the acronyms and the buzzwords.

Now, all you need is a key message: that agriculture is in a state of change, and since there's going to be a whole lot of people in the new millennium, especially in China, the market opportunities for U.S. farmers sure do look promising.

So get out the gargle and test the mikes, cause you're set for the speaking circuit.

Actually, the best speech coaching yet might be the line given to one grain marketing speaker I know from an old timer who apparently had been to his share of farm meetings: "Every time you speak, think of mini skirts. They should be long enough to cover the necessities, but short enough to keep people's attention."

Play FAIR

The first draft of the 1996 Farm Bill was officially entitled, "Federal Agriculture Reform and Trade Act," according to Kansas State University Ag Economist Barry Flinchbaugh. Realizing the acro-nymic effects, however, it was changed to the sweeter sounding FAIR (Federal Agriculture Improvement and Reform) Act.

Tracy Sayler is a communications specialist for the Minnesota Wheat Research and Promotion Council, Red Lake Falls, Minn. This article was reprinted from the Prairie Grains magazine published by the Minnesota Association of Wheat Growers.